Toddler Tuesday

Hum, I wonder who will get eliminated on Dancing with the Stars tonight. This is my ritual on Tuesday nights. I sit at my computer with DWTS elimination on. I envy them. I wish I could dance like they do. Actually, the sad thing is that in my head I believe that I can. Unfortunately, there is this thing called "rythym" that seems to be a requirement. Apparently after 6 months of intensive salsa lessons, I could do every turn with exact precision but the beat was always the issue...

But I can dream. Dreams are good to have. "A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep..." Yes, I have Disney on the brain. I haven't formalized any plans yet. But I certainly want to go -- Kathy will keep you posted and Sandy; I'm sure you need an excuse to defrost a little bit....

I had a dream, not as grand as Martin Luther King, but a dream nonetheless. Can you tell I'm in one of my weird moods? And that dream was to be a mom. There were times in my life when I thought the dream was just that...a wish that my heart made. But then one day, the dream became a reality.

The other night, I was at a dinner hosted by a fellow Guatemalan Adoptive Family. There was a house full of children from Guatemala and families who had the battle scars of PGN; some healed, some still a little raw. One of the moms came out and asked me, "so are you happy to be a mom?"

First of all, when someone asks me a question like that, I wonder if there is some vibe I'm giving off. I immediately go into introspection mode; I wonder if they are onto something that I am not aware of; I wonder if my exhaustion and sleep deprivation is being viewed as being disappointed with parenthood; I wonder if I have food in my teeth, my zipper open or if I forgot my deodarant; I wonder why on earth would someone I don't know ask me that question.

Apparently, she had asked me the question twice. Maybe, I didn't hear her the first time since I was chasing Alberto or making sure he didn't touch the stereo system, fall down the stairs, stick his finger in the electrical socket, run into a wall, run out the open door leading to the dark backyard with an iron fence standing in the way of a dark lake all the while, doing this on 4 hours of sleep. Or, maybe, I didn't hear her the first time because my brain went into "huh? why would someone ask me this question? mode".

When I finally did hear her, I had a dumb look on my face so she suggested that the look on my face answered her question.

Of course being the overly analytical person that I am, I started obsessing over this encounter. And I wondered, am I not happy to be a mom? And this is what I came up with....

There are times when I'm tired, overwhelmed, exhausted and sleep deprived .... I don't like those feelings. And when I'm tired, overwhelmed, exhausted and sleep deprived, I get moody and irritable; and I don't like being that way. But that has nothing to do with whether or not I'm "happy" to be a mom...

See, I'm proud, honored and consider myself blessed to be a mom. I consider it a huge honor that God has given me the privilege to parent this little boy. So are there days when I'm not the picture of perky perfection? You better believe it. But don't think for a single soliatary moment that I would give it up or that I have a moment of regret.

I don't know why people ask those types of questions. But I'm glad that I had a moment to reflect so that if or when I get asked again, I can respond..."I would prefer to say that I consider myself to be extremely blessed and honored to be a mom; it's a title given to me by God and one that I respect and appreciate." and then say, "Happiness is an emotional state that is temporary and I would never want my son to be responsible for my happiness nor would I want my role as mother to define what makes me happy." Now, why is it that it takes me so long to think of these things? Oh yeah, I'm sleep deprived and proud of it!

Oh and since this is Toddler Tuesday, I should add some of Alberto's developmental milestones. He sings the Blue's Clue's Mail song. Well, he knows exactly the moment when to "scream". He also singles "Old MacDonald". Well, okay, so he sings "e i e i o". And yes, he sings "El Pollito". Well, he says, "pio pio pio" at the right time. And his greatest accomplishment is that he has learned to pick his nose. Well, he isn't successful, which is good becuase it's gross.

And Tamara... Yes, Old Navy. Great sales!!!! We both have fabulous taste and have an eye for bargains!

Well, they sent Cody packing. So next week, it's Warren, Brooke and Lance to the finals. What am I going to do with myself on Tuesday nights with out Dancing? I have to wait until January to see Jason as the next Bachelor but that's Monday nights. It's a pretty sad statement when I know the ABC lineup.... Maybe this is one of the reasons why my brain doesn't work properly. I'm sure I will obsess over this one too.