Monday Madness

To know me well is to love me a lot. I am an interesting person -- at least I like to think so. One of my most endearing qualities, at least I think it's endearing, is that I try to learn from everything I encounter. In that sense, I am a perpetual student. I'd rather think of it as, "the more I know the more I realize I don't know." And humble enough, to admit it and actually open my mind to possibilities for improvement.

So why do I say all of this? I must be going somewhere. Well, over the past week or so, I've been thinking a great deal about some of the comments that have been posted on the Guatemalan adoption forums. Usually, I don't spend a great deal of time "thinking" about what other people are saying or going through, but these days, there have been some very complex issues brought up.

And while I would love to write an editorial on the family who selflessly terminated their adoption because they found fraud involved in the case and the fallout from their moral and ethical decision, I have other thoughts that are more pressing.

See, many people today are bringing home children that are older than they had originally anticipated. Like me, many families started their journey about 18 months ago, some a little before, some a little later. Unlike me, those families are now bringing home their children. And so their adoption has turned into a "toddler adoption". "Toddler adoptions" are raising other issues that families had not really thought of, and one family in particular was having a very difficult time and very honest about the struggle they had during their pick-up trip.

Rather than analyzing this family and maybe some unmet expectations and not really being prepared to bring home a toddler (let's face it, how many of us who were consumed by the process really could see the other side), I started asking questions and reading articles on attachment and what adult adoptees felt and thought. So, I used someone else's ordeal to really start looking at my own parenting and see the areas we could improve.

Mind you, this was all a springboard from the "are you happy?" question. I suppose it's all just "flowed".

What I am happy to report is that the way I see it, we can all improve on our relationships. And parenting is a relationship we have with our children. So, I am working on improving my relationship with Alberto. And I realize and admit, that there are areas that I can't ignore. While Alberto came home at 9 months old and has been home longer than he was with his foster mom, while Alberto has had love and his needs met, while Alberto has continued to grow and develop socially and physically, I also want to solidify, as much as in my ability, a healthy sense of self.

So, now, I'm reading articles -- that at times make me feel like a failure as a parent but then when I stop looking at it from a "me" perspective but looking at it from Alberto's perspective, I feel encouraged that we can work on things -- and reading a book so that I can be a proactive parent and build on our attachment, continue to improve our relationship and communication and strengthen my parenting skills.

If there are resources that you've read or know of and would like to share, please feel free. I am hoping that through all of this, we can all have an open dialogue and really encourage one another as we face the toddler years and beyond....