Wonderful Weekend

We had a wonderful weekend. We had drama, the ho hum boring stuff of the day in and day out, and of course, comedic relief. All in all, life is good.

I take so much for granted. The other day, my mom mentioned to me as she was encouraging someone going through a difficult time, "...be thankful in all circumstances." (I Thess 5:18) and that a person who has a grateful heart can in the midst of all things be thankful because they rest on a sovereign God.

Honestly, I thought her timing really sucked. I mean this person she was talking to didn't need to be hearing about appreciation for their storm. They needed their storm to be calmed. But, I needed to hear it.

This is the drama part of the weekend. I think it's been the drama part of it for a few years. See, I pretty much threw the biggest temper tantrum with God, followed by a massive pity party, followed by bratty behavior, concluding with sort of pouting and having my arms crossed in front of me. I was kind of ticked off at God because well, He just wasn't cooperating with my plans for life. One day almost 4 years ago (yes, I've can hold a grudge), I said to my mother with tears rolling down my face that I knew God loved me but right now, I didn't think He liked me very much. Her response cut like a knife and sort of infuriated me (fueling my tantrum more), "you are so immature." The nerve of her to speak the truth to me!

I had considered myself extremely mature both emotionally and spiritually. But this was one of those put through the "fire" to purify and prove true that well, I wasn't getting stronger but like the Wicked Witch of the West drenched with water...I was melting.

I trusted God with just about everything in my life except for this one part of my heart; the part that I needed to protect. In hindsight, I can see God's hand being a hand of love not a hand of withholding. But at the time, rather than thanking God and trusting Him; I threw a fit.

So while I never "walked" away; I pretty much had this attitude chip on my shoulder thing going. And God kept me on the sidelines. I just wasn't sure how to get off the sidelines. Recovery has never been my strong suite, and I'd let it go on for such a long time.

...be thankful in all circumstances...

On Friday, I learned that a friend of mine who brought home her daughter in the spring was "expecting" -- she is doing a domestic adoption. I was thrilled and excited for her. I'd toyed with the idea of a second child while I was in my adoption process and after Alberto came home. I say "toyed" because that is about as far as it got. My first priority was Alberto, and I was convinced there wasn't enough of me to go around already to add another child would be insanity. In July when I did my post placement visit, my home study social worker advised me that they were doing domestic adoptions and gave me some information. Again, I toyed with the idea. It was a nice fantasy for about 15 seconds before I had to focus on my already in my life child.

When I learned of my friends joyous news, I allowed myself to explore in my mind a little bit more about the possibilities. Certainly, I would like for Alberto to have a sibling. Certainly if this was a God-thing that He would make all things possible (conveniently, I drew on the God-thing).

That night, I was so distracted with these thoughts that I forgot to put Vick's Vapor Rub on Alberto's feet. So, he woke up at 2am coughing. But as he lay on top of me for an hour in the family room, I was "thankful" for this opportunity because God was allowing us bonding time. Seriously, I really felt that. Life was good. I also thought, "how on earth would I handle 2 kids up at 2am?"

Alberto didn't nap well on Saturday which translates into him being a bit irritable and requiring a lot of mommy time and carrying. So, I thought that a nice distraction would be good. We went to Target -- hey, I went through that dollar section and found the cutest little trains. He was in heaven. As I was circling the parking lot, I was thinking about a second child. And I thought, "hum, I would definitely need a bigger car." At that moment, I tried to fit my car between 2 huge SUVs that did not really respect the parking lines. Due to the country's economic crisis, I was able to find another spot within a few moments.

Still, I thought of 2 kids and what it would be like. My thinking was very romantic. I walked to the other side of the car, opened up the passenger door to get the diaper bag (yes, I carry it with me into stores now), I hung it on my shoulder; I closed the door; opened the back door and leaned in to unstrap Alberto, when I felt something wet dripping on me. His juice was leaking on me. I straightened up and the entire cup of apple juice spilled on my pants.

I guess I'm one of those people that literally needs something cold thrown on them to snap them back into reality. My parking space was good; I was wearing black yoga pants; I got a wipe out of the diaper bag and went into the store... I am sure no one noticed.

Whatever my future holds, "it is well; it is well with my soul." I thankful today because even though 4 years ago I didn't get God's plan; I'm thankful today because of God's amazing grace. Today, I have this incredible little boy that I know was part of God's plan.