The Nanny Diaries -- The Other Perspective

My original plan did not include having a nanny. My mom was going to watch Alberto 2 days a week while I went to the office. However, things changed (as they seem to do all the time in my life).

In early December, we still did not know when Alberto was going to be coming home. I was signing Elvis Presleys, "I'll Have a Blue Christmas" and moped around a lot. So when my brother and his wife needed childcare, my mother agreed. I was okay with that. I actually figured that what we would do is that my mother would come to my house and watch both kids during the week. On the 3 days I'd be home, I'd help her and then she'd watch both of them twice a week. I never really shared my plan -- but she should have ESP.

Alberto and Isabella are only 2 months apart so I figured it would be good for them. I had it all mapped out in my head. I even started searching Craig's List for double strollers and bought one of those fenced in playyards (my living room looks like a daycare). I wasn't quite sure why no one else saw the brilliance in this plan.

What I didn't take into consideration was the reality that it would be more than my mom could do. Which was something she quickly learned when she started watching Isabella in January; my mom has limitations. She also realized that she preferred doing this at her house (logistical issue for me; she lives, with traffic, an hour away from me and then an hour to the office -- it would be a 2 hour commute each morning and then another 2 hours in the evenings: 4 hours in the car!)

I told my mom not to worry about it. I would figure something else out.

Alberto came home, and there was no plan in place. I realize that is a shocker since I seem to always have a plan (more like a Lucy and Ethel plan, but a plan nonetheless). Okay, so I rarely share my plans with those that I need to participate in the plan but that is really an oversight on their part.

My boss was being very adamant that I return to the office. Granted, she brought me a suitcase full of work as I was unpacking our suitcases from our arrival home and had been working from that moment on.

So the pressure was on to find childcare. It wasn't like I needed pressure in my life. I was a pressure cooker ready to burst. There I was, remember, emotionally depleated from PGN and work, tired, eating the worst diet known to human kind, sleep deprived, adjusting to my new role as mom and having to put all of what was human aside to care for a child who was scared and trying to figure out what on earth happened to his safe and comfy life. And I had to work.

That is when my other sister tells me that her former nanny was available 2 days a week. It was a Godsend! I was sure of it. And when we talked... I was more convinced that she was an angel sent from the Lord!

I was warned by people. They would tell me "escobita nueva barre bien" -- translation: a new broom always sweeps well. Ah, they were just jealous because I had found someone who was great with my child and cleaned my house. I loved getting home to a clean house and a happy child. It was nirvana.

When negotiating her payrate, I talked to her about my respect, appreciation and value for her and that I didn't view her as an employee but rather as someone who was partnering with me to help raise my son. I made her position sound very important.

Who was I kidding? I wasn't talking to Mary Poppins or Jo Jo the Super Nanny. I was talking to someone who was doing this because she needs money and was probably wondering how much housework I was really expecting her to do.

Now, I suppose you can sense a little hostility and bitterness. That's the part that is hard. No, it's easy to become hostile and bitter. But the hard part is knowing the bigger picture.

She is really good with my son and he loves her. At least I think she is good with him. I was convinced she was good with him. Well, until last Tuesday. She comes in on Tuesdays for half the day. I work from home those days. Most of the time, I am out doing office errands or calling PGN for people.

But this day, I was working. And on numerous occassions as I was typing away, I'd hear the pitter patter of little feet... Alberto had escaped and was in my office. And then she would come after him. At one point, I went to refuel on Diet Pepsi and she was sitting on the floor talking on her cellphone. Fine he was right next to her, but she was having a personal phone call and it wasn't a quick call. It was a conversation. (okay, so now I am sounding a bit like the irrational mom from the Nanny Diaries).

It gets better. She puts him down for his nap. Her method of putting him down is rocking him in his stroller and then she just left him in his stroller and didn't put him in his bed. Meanwhile, her husband comes to drop off her daugther (which is a good thing. Alberto and Ariana play. I think it's good for his socialization). Guess what? She's outside while he's sleeping in his stroller in my family room.

I wasn't sure how to approach this. I stood there and thought that I must have been invisible. I mean really, your boss is home and you're goofing off? What on earth does she do when I am not there? Do I have to get a nanny cam? Okay fine, I know she cleans my floors and does my laundry but what else, certainly not the toilets?

But that's not the worst part... Yes, it gets better (these things only happen to me). She's been complaining of neck pain (no fortunately, she did not slip and fall in my house). Her pain is so excrutiating. I've had neck and shoulder pain. I know it can be painful. She's been to the doctor, had an MRI. They tell her it's stress and she needs to relax and maybe go to therapy. She disagreed with the diagnosis and is convinced she has a nerve problem.

So, she made an appointment with the neurologist. Meanwhile as she waits for the appointment, she's been sleeping with those neck pillows (I gave her one that I had) and her friend who is a massage therapist has been giving her therapy; her neck is better and the pain has subsided considerably. But she still needs to go to the neurologist.

So why am I upset because she has to go to the neurologist? Because she is going on a day when she is supposed to be taking care of Alberto. She has no idea how this has caused a pain in my head, my neck, my mid back, lower back and most of all, a pain in my butt.

She couldn't make the appointment for any other day. Oh and this is the second time in 2 weeks that I have to scurry for childcare. So tomorrow, I have a 2 hour morning commute and a 2 hour evening commute to my mom's house. Somehow or other, daycare is seeming much more appealing by the second....

So in my passive agressive manner, I am going to tell her I won't be needing her to come next Tuesday. It's the day we have OUR doctor's appointment.


Lessons learned: People are right... new brooms do always sweep better. I need to have a more realistic picture of people, their roles and communicate my expectations in a way that is clear and mature. Finally, in all of this, God does have a way of providing. He provided a nanny when I was desperate. He has provided my mom tomorrow. He will give me the grace to sit in traffic and keep a happy face...