Got Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

I got Sunshine on a Cloudy Day! I think it is always good to be thankful and keep in perspective those people and things that God has used to remind us of the sunshine in our lives.




But wait a second, Sunshine on a cloudy day? Huh, what a clique! Okay, so I can, occassionally, be a bit corny. It's okay. In the right doses, it can be cute!

So cloudy day... Yep cloudy day...

Okay so here it is... Today marks 6 months since we've been home (more to come, tomorrow is readoption day!!!). Since then, my life has taken on an entirely different look. My priorities are completely different. And well, the boss is not thrilled with my new life.

If it's not one thing, it's another. Here is a picture of my desk at work. This is the entire amount of space that I am allowed to use. I often get reprimanded. Excuse me, "frustration expressed in my direction" because my desk is just a complete and total mess.

Okay, fine. It's not the neatest desk in the world. Sunglasses and cellphone do not belong on the work desk and let's face it, I have a few things that are not in their appropriate containers. Notice how much leg room I have. Yes, that is a box under my desk. But I am a highly compensated and valued employee who holds a very high position in the corporation. This is what I am told... all the time ... usually after I am being reminded that my desk is a mess and I am not setting a good example for the employees; followed by "how can anyone work like this." oh yeah and "I'm very worried about you; this mess is just a reflection of what is going on inside."

Here's my bosses's desk. She sits exactly next to me, our desks touch...

Yep, I'm the one with the messy desk. Today, however, the discussion was not about the desk being a mess or my simply being so disorganized; variety is the spice of life.

Usually our dialogues can be quite intense. Being that we are related (sisters), there doesn't seem to be many boundaries in our interprofessional relationship. Basically, we hit below the belt. But today, we were actually quite mature and professional. Maybe, that is why it affected me like it did. Typically, I walk away from our negative exchanges feeling angry beyond words or just emotionally crushed and devastated and needing to cry. But today, it was different.

We entered into a mature, professional and adult conversation. I did not agree with some of her business strategies and how they would affect the employees, including me.

The conversation lead to her making a statement about how she really feels about the work and the effort I have put into her practice. After 13 years of working like a bear, putting in long hours, taking work home, taking her calls at all hours of the night and weekend, having family outtings turn into business meetings, pretty much not having a life because I had to work... she said that I didn't live, eat or breathe the practice (well, duh!) and now that I have the baby, the practice has gone to the back burner. Sure, I do my job and I get it done and do it well. But my soul is not in my work. (This all lead to her justification on why she hadn't felt I deserved a pay increase in over 4 years).

It saddened me. Often over quite volitile conversations, we have said the same things. It's never enough, never good enough. But this time, we "talked". And there I was realizing the "so much" that I had given and it wasn't enough. And at the same time, grateful because yes, since the baby... my work has gone on the "back burner".

I truly believe that God has used Alberto in my life to bring balance and perspective on what is important. Certainly, I need my job. As a single mom, I don't have the luxury of not working. And I do appreciate the flexibility with my schedule. But I also know that my job and the functions I perform are just part of who I am and what I do. I work to live; I am not living to work. And that drives her nuts.

Many people tell me how lucky Alberto is to have been adopted or that I am such a wonderful person for having given him an opportunity for a good life. I consider myself the one to be blessed. Alberto has been used by God to rescue me and to remind me where my strength and salvation come from: The Lord.

Lessons learned: I am thankful that in the midst of my cloudy days, God reminds me of the sunshine that He has blessed me with. Balance is essential. Not everyone in your life is going to be okay with no longer monopolozing your time -- that is their problem, not yours.