Bloom Where You are Planted

In the past month, I’ve picked up two new hobbies. I have started digital scrapbooking – aren’t my pages so cute? -- And blogging. Digital scrapbooking can be quite addictive and also a wonderful way for me to express my creativity while detaching from the everyday stresses of life. I suppose that's what a hobby is. An extra perk to this hobby is that I am preserving memories.

In digital scrapbooking, there was a kit I downloaded called “Bloom where you are planted.” Now, this stuck out to me because last week the pastor at church spoke on Jeremiah 29 where the Israelites taken into captivity were told to basically make themselves at home; and the thought was, to bloom where they were planted.

I can’t tell you, with all honesty, that my life looks the way I thought it would look – sort of doing a little hindsight is 20/20 here. I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be a single mom at 39. I never thought that I would adopt a fabulous and incredible child from Guatemala. I suppose, I thought I would have a husband, 2.5 kids, a dog, an SUV and a white picket fence. And it was really hard for me, for many years, to accept that I needed to allow myself to be planted in singleness. I hated the idea and rejected it at every turn. I pretty much figured after I got divorced that I would quickly remarry. I didn’t even change my name because I figured I would was going to have to do it again so why do it twice. 8 years later, Mr. Right hasn’t graced my company.

The first time I came face to face with my singleness was when I was approached by one of the pastors at my church to lead a singles bible study. I cried and was horrified at the suggestion. I refused to embrace being single because for me, it was temporary. I was just passing through this stage of my life. No need to unpack my suitcase, make myself comfy, actually learn to live and embrace my life TODAY.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t live in a constant state of “holding pattern” waiting for Mr. Right. I just didn’t embrace my singleness and would not allow anyone to label me as one. Well, they did anyway; but I hated it.

I very much felt that God was holding out on me. I felt as though He had made a huge mistake. He created me with a desire to be a wife and mom – a desire that permeated the very fiber of my being – yet, withheld it from me. I had a friend, a super spiritual one; tell me that until I got over my issues that God was not going to bless me with my marriage and family. I looked at her and said, “Well, you are a walking contradiction to your statement. Are you telling me that God is just more gracious to you?” Of course she didn’t like my response. But I didn’t like hers either.
While I understood that God wasn’t holding out on me, it felt like He was. I have enough insight and understanding to know that what we “feel” is not necessarily “real”. But we still “feel” it and many, many times act on those feelings – let’s face it, they are LIES.

I have played with the idea of adopting for a few years. But, I wasn’t going to do it, just yet. I kept giving myself these deadlines. See, I didn’t want to act in haste. I didn’t want to adopt right at the second before God was about to give me what I thought was my blessing. I think I was just scared of going through Door #2 of the unknown, “alone”. Then, a couple years ago, I just felt it was time and no more excuses. And to my surprise, I simply did not feel any concern or apprehension about the timing; it felt right and the timing felt perfect. And there my journey began in adoption. I suppose, in a way, I allowed myself to be planted…

Lessons learned: You may not like where you are at. You may be there because of your own choices; you may be there for other reasons you do not yet know. Whatever the reasons, I believe that God is working, even when we don’t think so. Trust God – way hard lesson for me to learn. I’m still learning it. Still holding onto the edge of the pool; but I’m in the pool, clinging to the wall on the deep end. And finally, allowing yourself to be planted doesn’t mean a death sentence. Planting allows for life; and replanting. And this planting has produced a very wonderful blossom: Alberto.