Daycare Drama

The alarm went off on Wednesday morning. It wasn't the burglar alarm; and it wasn't the alarm clock. No, it was Alberto at the end of my bed, up and upset. I leaned over and checked the clock. It read something like 5:30 something in the morning. I figured maybe, he was hungry; he didn't really eat well the night before. No big deal. I'll just pull my limp, half comatosed body out of bed and make him a bottle. That should buy me another hour and a half.

For those that don't know, without glasses, I can only see about 6 inches in front of me. Maybe, I'm being generous and it's more like 4 inches. It looked like 5:30...

I put on my glasses and headed to the kitchen. I'm not really sure why I needed my glasses. It was dark and I wasn't going to turn on the light. I already know the sound of the water when it reaches 6 oz. and I can figure out the scoops of toddler formula. Shake, Shake, Shake and back we went to give him the bottle and hope that I'd get some more sleep.

And then in shock, I saw what time it really was, 2:07am. WHAT?! The other thought that crossed my mind was, "oh how wonderful, I have 5 hours more of sleep!"

The milk did not do the trick.

Rock, rock, rock... Nope, that's not what he wanted. Laid him in his bed. Nope, that's not what he wanted. Laid him in my bed; nope not that either. Pace back and forth trying to figure out what to do next. Gee, he seems to like that.

But pacing back and forth was just not an option. Remember, limp, half comatosed body? So, I tried rocking again. That didn't work. He kept pointing to the door. So, I thought, well, maybe I should change his diaper. Yep, that should work. Duh, Ana! His diaper was soaked and that says a lot for a Huggies Overnight! Okay, he should be ready now to go back to sleep. He drank his milk and his diaper is clean. He is good to go. Nope, that didn't work either...

Okay, so he's got his fist in his mouth. Now, why didn't I think of that sooner... teething. Yes, he's been sticking his hand in his mouth. I think he has some molars coming in. I would be upset too. "Baby Tylenol where are you?" That sort of worked. But not completely. It's now 3:30am...

Did I mention I was half comatosed and that the only thing that seemed to really calm him was my pacing with him? I will add that my calves have been sore for the past two days -- could I actually be that out of shape that pacing would cause me to have sore calves? He kept pointing to the door. What on earth did he want? No, we were not going to go outside. I know he loves going outside but there is no way on earth we were going to go outside at 3:30am. And then he started pointing at his empty bottle. What?? More milk?

Well, why not? I tried everything else and I needed to lay down. So, I made him another bottle. He drank it and fell asleep.

As I was feeding him his second bottle at 3:30am, I was wondering if he was stressed out from daycare and really what he wanted was the soothing comfort of sucking. I recalled the similar nights we had when he had just arrived home. And the doubts and the guilt crept in. He went back to sleep at 3:38am. I was now wearing my glasses so I was fully aware of what time it was.

His drop offs went from no big deal to meltdowns. But the meltdowns have gotten less intense. The last image I have of him etched into my mind is of him crying and reaching out for me as I have to turn and walk out the door. And that image just keeps replaying in my head like a bad song you just can't forget.

I was assured by his teacher today that this is quite normal and that he's actually doing kind of good. Kind of good? You mean, there's worse? And that he calms down quickly and cries less and less. They don't seem to be concerned and the director hasn't called me in to talk about his not being a candidate for daycare.

Today, I worked from home. Well, I sort of work from home on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I say sort of because I go into the office, at times, to catch up on some things but I can leave when I'm done and then finish up at home. The entire time, I wondered if I should just go and pick him up early. What was the point? He could stay with me the rest of the day. It was fine.

But there was another thought that came to mind. I knew that I needed to allow him to get accustomed to his new routine. I needed him to learn that he went to school in the morning and that he was there until after nap time and that either me or Nana always picked him up. And I felt that maybe if I disrupted his learning this that I might just be prolonging the drama.

When I arrived to pick him up, he was sitting down at the table eating his fruit cup. He was perfectly calm. His face was not tear stained. He was not whimpering. He was perfectly normal and perfectly fine. And the best part was that he was very happy to see me! I have also worried that he would simply hate me or be so upset with me that he would want nothing to do with me. As you can see, I've been very stressed about this.

And on my theory that he was so stressed out that he woke up in the middle of the night... Well, he only did that one night. He's been in daycare now for almost an entire week. The other nights, he has slept quite soundly. He also goes to sleep early or right on time and doesn't fuss much. And he wakes up in a pretty good mood.

Finally I will add that life seems to have more order to it. It's really strange. My house is more organized and clean (even though the nanny tidied up and did light housekeeping 3 days a week); My work is caught up; I'm less stressed out about completing projects for work; and I'm able to spend my time with Alberto that is not convoluted with work. I'll let you know in a couple weeks if it was worth it or not. Certainly not worth it at Alberto and my emotional distress. But, I have rationalized that this is a bridge we have to cross and I have to trust that God is going to give us the strength, the courage and the ability to get to the other side.